I call myself a writer. Really, I do. But for somebody who is supposed to have words oozing from her fingers (So to speak…) I often have a very hard time getting my ideas into something worthwhile.

I think the problem is that I have so many vignettes in my head. Different characters, different dialogues, different tensions that would be a really wonderful part of a story I haven’t conjured fully yet. It sucks. My iPhone is full of “in the moment” ideas that haven’t yet amounted to anything.

I blame it on surroundings. The house is too loud, the paper is too ‘lined’, my laptop screen is flickering. I guess if I am to imagine the ideal writing situation, it’s in a coffee shop in Scotland with a typewriter, a la JK Rowling.

When I do get down to writing, I have another awful problem – my “voice” and my “idea” never feels quite the same if I leave it halfway, then return later. This leaves me with the horrible task of writing everything in one go, which is usually the night before a 15 page personal essay is due for class.

I’m going to have to get my shit in gear. Writing just a few pages, every day, no matter what.

It has to get easier, right?

I remember a few years ago, you couldn’t rip the pencil from my hand. I was scribbling scripts in French class, resolving conflicts in my novella in grade 10 Biology, and staying up til 2am every night in the basement, writing chapters at a time of a story I was falling more in love with every time I wrote.

Since then though… I haven’t really had that emotional connection to ANYTHING I’ve written – at least, not for such an extended time. Short stories are where I play – little moments I can focus all my attention on for a few days, edit and play around with, then move onto the next idea. The notion of writing a novel terrifies me – I have all these ideas, but what if I lose my excitement as soon as I start writing it all down?

These blogging pieces are helping. I’m starting to look around me more, consider what might make a good topic, a good thing to expand on. My iPhone “notes” are getting longer and longer. I think I’m almost ready to try for a novel again. Genre, age range, narration style… I have no idea.

But thinking about it? That’s a good start, right?