Seriously, I love old sayings.   Honestly, I wish we could all just speak in cliche all the time.  I mean, how often does “This too shall pass” apply to a situation?  Your awful hangover, seeing the guy you are destined to marry with another chick… basically, when you look back on this in a year, chances are you won’t even realize why you were so upset.

Do you know which one I’m a particular fan of?  “What you don’t know, can’t hurt you.”  I mean honestly.  Now granted, there are exceptions to every rule.  While, yes, not knowing that my boyfriend cheated on me would not be hurtful, because, well, I wouldn’t know.  But it’s still a shitty thing to have happen, and if I ever found out, I’d probably cry, or hit something.   But what about in cases where things are just better left unsaid?   What if, let’s say, one night you drop a piece of pizza on the ground, and your dog goes over and licks it.  You quickly put it onto the counter, out of harm’s way, and go to put your dog in another room. You forget the slice of pizza.  Next morning, you walk into the kitchen and your brother is eating said slice.   More likely than not, no strange health malfunction will happen from eating this pizza. So does your brother REALLY need to know that he’s eating Sparky’s sloppy seconds?  Nope.

Absense makes the heart grow fonder?  Hell yeah. None of this out of sight, out of mind shit. At least, not when it counts.  The more time that passes between the last time I saw a person and the next, the more I romanticize how I felt about them.  Girl at work who once covered my shift?  By the time I see her next, she’s an unsung hero in my eyes.   Hot guy in my English class that once passed me a pen?  The more I replay that two second clip in my head, the greater the details are I invent. So when he pops up in my anthro class next semester, you can bet I now envision him as the father of my children.  I mean… what?

Beggars can’t be choosers?  Well, if I’m begging for some money and you give me a cigarette, I’m probably going to be a little confused.  I’ll still take the cigarette… but I’m give you a confused look while doing so. Overall though, this one’s still pretty deec.

Some just don’t make sense to me though. Like, what goes around comes around.   Sure, sometimes.  Like if we’re talking about your common cold, or an STD outbreak in an orgy circle.  But you know what?  If your neighbour suddenly falls into an unexpected lump sum of cash, do not expect this to happen to you.

Somebody want to explain to me where “Cat Got You Tongue” came from? I have no fucking clue on that one.

And finally, some are just becoming plain ole unused.  We think we’re too cool to say old things that used to be so common.  Anyone else for bringing back “Don’t get your panties in a knot” because I am. That one is hilarious (Aside from the awkward use of the unfortunate word ‘Panties’) because, what kind of sad, uncoordinated dance would you have to do to even pull that off?  Picture the possibilities…

I think that we should use things like this as often as possible. Everyone knows what they mean, overall, and even if they don’t always make sense, hey – most things in life don’t.    So, I hope you fall head over heels in love with this post – or am I counting my chickens before they hatch?